


Loves Me Not

by pearliegrimm (orphan_account)



Category: 19天 - Old先 | 19 Days - Old Xian
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Amnesia, Angst, Canon-Typical Violence, Coma, Comedy, Dark Comedy, Established Relationship, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Post-Canon, Romantic Comedy, Temporary Amnesia, sorta - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-09
Updated: 2020-10-22
Packaged: 2021-03-05 00:40:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 5
Words: 5,236
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25155625
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/pearliegrimm
Summary: When Mo Guanshan wakes up from a months-long comatose stint in the hospital- completely unaware that he had, in fact, dumped He Tian’s sorry ass once and for all- He Tian takes it as his divine right to be better so it doesn’t happen again.Second time’s the charm, right?...Or was it the third?
Relationships: He Tian & Mo Guanshan (19 Days), He Tian/Mo Guanshan (19 Days), Jian Yi/Zhan Zhengxi (19 Days)
Comments: 57
Kudos: 281





	1. carnations

For just the _slightest_ of blissful moments, Mo Guanshan truly believes he’s awoken in the back room of his middle school’s gym.

He can catch stray glimpses of something colourful in his blurred vision, dancing around in the corners of his eyes. He can smell the ever familiar scent of some kind of disinfectant invading his nostrils… It wasn’t all that pleasant- but he had to admit it made him a touch nostalgic. 

Yes. This had to be the supply closet... 

He must have fallen asleep here...

...Which was admittedly quite strange within itself because he didn’t remember such a thing happening in the slightest…

Not to mention… He’d graduated quite a few years ago now…

...Wait.

It’s only then that he hears the unsettling sound of a heart monitor.

It’s only then that he realises something is truly amiss.

Ah. 

Fuck?

The disinfectant he’s smelling is far too commercial-grade. None of the cheap shit the school used to use... Besides, there was simply not enough dust in the air for it to be the storeroom...

...Oh, and he was in a bed. Not on the ground. 

That was a pretty dead give away. Stupid asshole.

_Dead…_

Oh. Wait. Shit. _Was he dead?_

Surely not… This couldn’t be the afterlife. It was way too fucking boring... 

His eyes flutter open with the very same vigour of an old door that had gone rusty with misuse. 

-And, at last, he is allowed to see just _where_ in the world he was exactly.

The answer doesn’t necessarily surprise him. More so, it just disorientates him.

Mo Guanshan is in a hospital bed. Surrounded by medical equipment and a single bouquet of flowers. Jian Yi and Zhan Zhengxi are sitting at his side. They are both sat down next to his bed, leaning on one another far too familiarly than they would if they thought anyone else was actually watching them. 

Jian Yi looks like he’s about ten seconds away from falling asleep, leaning on the other’s shoulder like a lifeline. Zhan Zhengxi, on the other hand is looking disinterestedly at his phone, scrolling aimlessly with that typical deadpan expression of his. 

Neither one of them notices he’s awake.

“...Oi.” Mo Guanshan’s voice is like sandpaper against his throat. The simple noise comes out garbled- like a sea monster emerging from the depths of the ocean. It isn’t pleasant in the slightest.

Zhan Zhengxi immediately jumps to his feet, sending Jian Yi crashing to the floor below him with a startled cry. 

Mo Guanshan didn’t necessarily blame the dumbass. He sounded straight-up _possessed_ right now. Shit, he probably _looked_ possessed too. 

-Before he could tell Zhan Zhengxi to call off the hospital exorcist, though, his expression morphs from fear to ecstatic shock. 

“Hey!” Zhan Zhengxi exclaims. His eyes are wider than he’d ever seen them. Which, admittedly, wasn’t all that wide. “You’re awake, you son of a bitch!!” 

Mo Guanshan swallows, trying to clear his throat to make for a more comprehensible sentence. “You-” So far so good. He blinks, taking in the rest of his surroundings. Jian Yi was still scraping himself off of the floor after the shock of his life- but the rest of the room was actually quite empty. The flowers- carnations- that someone, (that sappy loser He Tian, he assumed,) brought in were wilting almost completely- indicating to Mo Guanshan that he had, in fact, been here for quite some time. “You cheap asses couldn’t fork out for some flowers?”

Zhan Zhengxi’s expression immediately sours into something that befits his personality far more. “I’ll call for the doctor.” 

“Wait-” Mo Guanshan croaks, trying to lift his hand out to halt him. It just lay there, limp at his side. That wasn’t good. “How long have I been here?” 

Zhan Zhengxi looks dubious- uncomfortable even. 

Jian Yi, however, had no such reservations. He dusts himself off with a bright smile. “Two whole months!” 

“...Hah?”

* * *

He Tian had always hated answering his phone. 

In a generation such as his- it was deemed almost entirely unnecessary to actually hear the other person on the line’s voice. Not to mention- most voices He Tian heard over the phone were grating at best and suicide-worthy at worst. 

Especially now that he had no one that he even wanted to call…

He Tian frowned. Ugh.

Be that as it may, He Tian knew he couldn’t avoid the call in front of him right now.

It was from that lunatic Jian Yi. If he hung up on him now he’d just keep calling and calling and calling…

Besides, if it was coming from him- there was just the slightest chance that something bad had happened to... 

Jian Yi never called. He always texted. He texted a lot. Never shut up, actually. 

That’s why He Tian had turned his phone to silent.

_...Had Mo Guanshan truly taken a turn for the worst?_

_Had he…_

He Tian swallows. The thundering in his heart made it all the more harder to breathe. He couldn’t bear the thought of it. No matter how embarrassing it seemed. 

He presses ‘answer’ after a few more tense moments.

“God, fucking finally, He Tian! What kind of person in their twenties doesn’t have their phone on them 24/7?” 

He Tian was loath to admit that he’d actually kind of missed hearing the guy’s annoying voice. He’d just been so busy trying to keep busy that he’d forgotten all about Jian Yi and his snarly boyfriend. “What do you want?” 

Jian Yi huffs, “I’m talking on behalf of Mo Guanshan. He’s… He’s awake!” 

He Tian’s hands begun to shake ever so slightly. The relief in his bones made him want to crumple. It was humiliating how weak that man made him. “That’s great.” He Tian says, quiet. 

In his heart he knew he ought to not be so horrifically involved in Mo Guanshan’s life state but… Well… He just couldn’t cope with the way things had ended. Especially now. 

Besides, he’d always been a bit pushy when it came to Mo Guanshan.

“He wants to know when you’re coming to visit him?” 

...Huh? 

Now _that_ was a surprise. 

He Tian tilts his head in abject confusion before realising that Jian Yi could not, in fact, see him.

Then it hits him. 

Mo Guanshan mustn’t have told Jian Yi and Zhan Zhengxi that they’d broken up. He Tian knew he sure as hell hadn’t... 

...But if that was the case then why…? 

“This is coming from him? Little Mo asked where I was?” 

“Yeah?” Jian Yi sounds more confused than anything. “What? You don’t want to see him? Are you cheating on him or something you cruel bastard-”

“Calm down,” He Tian grumbled. His hopeful mood now dampened by Jian Yi’s dumbassery. He’s already packing things into his bag. “I’ll head over now.” 

For some, unforeseeable reason, Mo Guanshan wanted to see him right now. 

A change of heart? A final goodbye? 

Whatever it was...

He Tian wasn’t going to let the opportunity slip away from him.


	2. daisies

Mo Guanshan was quite honestly just a _liiittle_ bit pissed off that He Tian hadn’t been right at his bedside when he’d woken up. 

He’d honestly rather die than openly admit that, of course- but that bastard’s face was always the one he missed the most when he wasn’t around. 

It had been a tumultuous journey to get to where they were today. There were a lot of fights and tears and just a whole shitstorm of fuckery in their schooling years- but they’d made it out alive and they’d made it out _together._

Mo Guanshan- quite unfortunately might he add- was in love with He Tian. And he had been for quite a long time now. Ugh. The son of a bitch had grown on him like a rash and rooted himself into his life with all the subtlety of a bull in a china shop. 

His stupid, smug face was the one that Mo Guanshan wanted to wake up next to for the rest of his life. Ughhhhh.

...So where in the deep-fried _fuck_ was that bastard? 

Mo Guanshan scowls. His innermost thoughts getting the best of him.

The doctor in front of his stare gave him a quizzical look. 

Then, without warning, he flashed a bright light into one of his eyes. 

Mo Guanshan grimaced in displeasure, cursing under his breath. _Don’t blink, stupid. Don’t blink or it will last longer._

The man frowns at him. “Mr. Mo, what is the last thing you remember before the events leading up to the incident?” 

Mo Guanshan paused, thinking long and hard about the last aspect he could truly recall. 

He drew a fuzzy, bleeding blank. 

That _definitely_ wasn’t good.

Another frown from the physician. No wonder there were so many lines on this guy’s face... “Do you recall what the date was?” He prompted further. Shining the light in Mo Guanshan’s other eye. Again, with no warning. 

Mo Guanshan squinted. Half because he was thinking too hard and half because he had a fucking flashlight in his left eye. “It was cold as fuck so maybe… January?” 

The doctor’s expression became even more severe as he wrote something down in his clipboard. “Mr. Mo, we are well into August.” 

Mo Guanshan’s eyes widened. He can feel his heart skip a beat. “B-but those bastards told me I’d only been out for two months!” Had they been lying to him? 

He knew that Jian Yi was one for practical jokes- but this seemed like a bit much even for him...

“You _have_ only been unconscious for two months.” 

“So what? Are you saying I’m a liar?” Mo Guanshan could feel his defenses rising- assembling walls in preparation. The confusion was only flames to the fire of his discontent. 

The doctor, however, had unwavering patience. His voice was clinical. Cold. “I’m saying you’re displaying symptoms for mild, temporary-graded Retrograde Amnesia.” 

...Talk about a mouthful. 

Out of the words he _did_ understand, though- Mo Guanshan was definitely not feeling all too great about his diagnosis. 

“Fuck.” 

* * *

“So Doc, you’re telling us that Redhead’s got Gatorade Amnesia?” 

Zhan Zhengxi flicks Jian Yi in the face. “ _Retrograde_ Amnesia, dumbass.” 

The doctor adjusts his glasses, unflinching. Joyless as ever. “There’s a chance he will regain his memories in a matter of time, but in some cases those months are lost to the patient forever.” 

Jian Yi frowned. “So Mo Guanshan can’t remember anything from the past six or so months?” 

The doctor nodded. “This is common enough with coma patients. He was just lucky that it was such a short amount of time. Some people lose decades of memories.”

A cold shiver passed through Zhan Zhengxi’s spine. Looking toward Jian Yi, he felt his hands clench. He couldn’t stand the thought of not remembering that much of his life. 

Mo Guanshan was both incredibly unlucky and dreadfully fortunate. 

“It would be helpful, however, if he had someone close that could fill him in on particular events that conspired within that time. A housemate? Perhaps a girlfriend or a wife?”

Jian Yi and Zhan Zhengxi looked at one another. 

“We have someone on their way, actually.” Jian Yi answered. He Tian had been a bit of a ghost for the past few months... But Jian Yi had chalked that up to moping over Mo Guanshan’s condition. As much as he’d tried to reach out- Jian Yi knew that He Tian quite often liked to deal with these things alone. 

He knew that he’d come back today, though. He hadn’t a doubt in his mind.

The doctor nodded. “I’ll come back to check up on Mr. Mo within the hour.” 

It would be good to have all four of them back together- even though the circumstances _were_ royally fucked... 

* * *

He Tian really loathed the fact that he was nervous right now.

As he stared up at the foreboding concrete structure that was the hospital he couldn’t help but swallow anxiously. 

It had been a while since he’d been here. 

He could still remember how Mo Guanshan had looked, though. All hooked up to those machines. Bruised and battered. He looked like a Monet painting with all those splotches of colours on his pale skin. Blue, purple, green, pink, red… Too much red. 

That version of Mo Guanshan had invaded more than just a few of He Tian's dreams. It had truly been a haunting image to behold. 

He Tian quickly shakes off the thought. Keeping his expression tight and unflinching as per usual. He Tian didn’t get nervous. He Tian wasn’t nervous. He Tian didn’t get anxious. He Tian wasn’t anxious.

_...And He Tian absolutely wasn’t wondering if he should be buying those overpriced hospital flowers over there…_

He ends up buying the dumbass flowers.

They’re daisies. The common ‘get-well-soon’ sentiment laced within their petals. He Tian grips them a little too tightly as he makes his way to the room. 

He needed all the brownie points he could get, after all. 

He just prays that Mo will give him another chance.


	3. lotuses

He Tian sees Jian Yi and Zhan Zhengxi before he gets to Mo Guanshan.

They’re both lounging about in the hallway outside his door like a pair of delinquents. (Which was quite ironic.) Jian Yi is fidgeting about like he typically did, but Zhan Zhengxi seemed to have an even more solemn expression on his face than usual- which  _ was _ a worry. 

They look up when He Tian is about two metres away from them. 

“...Woah, you look like shit,” Is the first thing that Jian Yi says to him. He’s looking up at He Tian with the strangest expression on his face. 

He Tian just frowns. 

...Did he really? 

He’d checked his reflection in the window downstairs, and he’d looked like he always had.  Breathtakingly handsome. 

But maybe Jian Yi could see something that he couldn’t? 

Sure, he was getting less sleep than he usually did. Sure, he didn’t really eat all that regularly. Sure, he had a bit more of a short fuse than normal, but-

...Oh. Maybe he _ did _ look like shit.

Not to mention, he even felt too drained to beat Jian Yi’s ass for saying that.

Fuck. 

Okay, maybe he hadn’t been taking very good care of himself recently. But that was neither here nor there. He’d always been neglectful when it came to stuff like that.

...The flowers in He Tian’s hands feel heavier by the second.

“How is he?” 

Zhan Zhengxi, at last, breaks his silence on the matter. He has his arms crossed over his chest and his legs splayed out on the floor in front of him. “Surprisingly good. He can’t talk much because his throat is fucked up… But where have  _ you _ been?” It isn’t necessarily accusatory- not entirely, anyway. But it does have a hidden suspicion laced within it. One that made He Tian nervous for some reason. 

Where had He Tian been these past few months? If he was being honest, the weeks passing had all kind of seemed like a blur to him. It was just day in, day out of monotonous bullshit that really didn’t seem to matter to him anymore. Where  _ had  _ he been? Definitely not on this plane of existence that was for sure. It was like he’d been in limbo, floating about in a void of mediocrity that never ceased to make him depressingly listless. 

Zhan Zhengxi takes his silence as an answer. He settles back into his chair with a huff. “He has amnesia.” 

He… What?

“Come again?” 

Jian Yi nods along with Zhan Zhengxi. “Like in the movies!” 

He Tian feels his heart thunder in his chest. Amnesia? As in he’d lost all of his memories?

He wants to be sick. The thought of Mo Guan Shan regarding him with disinterest was far worse than the loathing expression he was anticipating.

He Tian doesn’t waste any more time dallying about with the pair of idiots outside the door. He decides to go straight to the source. He opens the door to Mo Guanshan’s room with a heated, paranoid urgency that threatens to close in on his very being. 

* * *

Mo Guanshan more so hears the door being slammed open before he actually sees it.

It’s done so quickly and urgently that he isn’t sure whether it’s the noise of the creaking hinges he hears or the fucking sound barrier. 

Nevertheless, it makes him jump. 

“Jesus chicken-fucking dicks, what in the shit was tha-” 

He Tian stands in front of his bed, a bouquet of flowers in his hands, looking like a wreck. 

The dark circles he always seemed to have under his eyes were far more pronounced now- at this point, they ought to be paying rent. He’d very clearly lost some weight- especially in his face, his cheekbones were more angular and severe- sickly, even. He was paler than before- his skin taking on an unhealthy tinge that more accurately resembled a corpse. 

“Woah, you look like shit.” Mo Guanshan tells him, because, well, he did. 

He Tian just stares at him. It’s like he’s seen a ghost. He doesn’t even acknowledge that Mo Guanshan had spoken. 

“Do you know who I am?” He Tian asks, his voice tinged with something indescribable to Mo Guanshan. 

Mo Guanshan scowls at him. “I’m not a fucking idiot, He Tian.” 

The relief in He Tian’s face is palpable. So much so that it makes Mo Guan Shan’s heart stutter. Had he always been this emotive? 

“Zhan Zhengxi told me you had amnesia.” 

“I do.” Mo Guanshan frowns. He looks away, embarrassed- his cheeks reddening to the colour of lotuses. “But I still remember you. I still remember us.” 

* * *

There’s a tense silence that passes between the two of them.

He Tian wants to apologise. Wants to say something, anything. 

Seeing Mo Guanshan awake like this was too much for him to take. He couldn’t spend another second not knowing where they stood. “I’m…” He swallows, “I’m so sorry, Mo Guanshan.” 

Mo Guanshan bites back a laugh.

Huh? 

“So you should be. You left me to wake up with those idiots.” He jerks his head toward the door where Jian Yi and Zhan Zhengxi were outside of. 

He Tian could only make a noise that resembled a verbal question mark. 

If Mo Guanshan  _ truly _ remembered the two of them- he would have known what He Tian was apologising for… 

_...So what was this? _

“Hmm. Mo?” 

“Yeah?”

“...Up until when do you not remember?” 

Mo Guanshan tilted his head. “What are you, a doctor? Sometime around winter, I guess. Shit’s kind of blurry.”

Winter…

He Tian’s eyes widened.

_ They were still together in winter. _

The realisation of their situation soon dawns on him.

Why Mo Guanshan had asked for He Tian to come to see him... Why he’d thought that He Tian was apologising for not being there when he woke up... His casual demeanour…

He didn’t remember them breaking up. 

Now, He Tian had never considered himself a good person. He wasn’t delusional enough to. He was genetically predisposed to be a bastard- what with the whole ‘family business’ and everything. 

Which is why he isn’t the slightest bit surprised when the first thought that comes to his mind after this groundbreaking realisation is;

_ Oh. Fuck yes.  _


	4. roses

“Did you notice something… off with He Tian?” Zhan Zhengxi looks firmly forward as he speaks, his elbows resting on his knees. The pair of them were waiting outside of Mo Guanshan’s room for… no particular reason. 

Perhaps they were waiting to be told what to do. 

_ How did one even navigate a situation like this?  _

“Uh yeah. It’s _ He Tian.” _ Jian Yi replies nonchalantly- as if it were obvious. He doesn’t even look up from his video game. 

Zhan Zhengxi just rolls his eyes. “But didn’t he almost seem… surprised to hear that Mo Guanshan had asked to see him?” 

“I’d be surprised too if someone that was, until now, comatose, asked to see me.” Jian Yi lifts his leg onto the seat of the chair, hugging it with his arms. He tilts his head and turns toward Zhan Zhengxi. “What are you getting at Xixi?” 

“I don’t know.” He replies, scratching the back of his neck. “Maybe I’m just seeing things. He’s probably just acting weird because of the situation.” 

Jian Yi nods, quirking his eyebrows upwards. “Yeah. I mean, wouldn’t  _ you _ be a little off if  _ I  _ was in Momo’s position?” 

Zhan Zhengxi can already tell that Jian Yi is doing that stupid puppy-dog expression of his, even from the corner of his eye. 

He grabs the other’s hand and squeezes it tightly nevertheless. “Yeah. I would.” 

Hospitals made Zhan Zhengxi far too genuine, it seemed. 

* * *

Despite his morally dubious joy- He Tian genuinely didn’t know what to do next.

Well, to put it more accurately- he didn’t know  _ where to start.  _

So much had changed since he’d last seen Mo Guanshan. So much had changed since Mo Guanshan had even  _ wanted to see him.  _

Now that He Tian knew that Mo Guanshan’s recent memory was shoddy- it put things into perspective. But that didn’t undo the happenstances of the past few months. 

_ Mo Guanshan’s eyes had been rimmed with rose-red as he heaved the large cardboard box up to his chest. _

_ “This is the last of my stuff.” He said, looking anywhere but at He Tian. _

_ He Tian could only watch numbly as he’d left. Mo Guanshan had only had a couple of boxfuls of possessions in here, but He Tian couldn’t help but feel like he’d taken all of the warmth, the happiness and the home of this place with him as well. _

_ He Tian had moved out too, not long after that. It no longer felt the same. It felt like a shell. One that used to be filled to the brim but was now a husk. _

Seeing him here now, without all the build-up of emotion in his expression. It was almost too good to be true.  __

“Oi? Earth to He Tian. The fuck are you staring at?” 

He Tian blinks, feeling himself click back into the weird reality he’d found himself in. 

A smile itches onto his face for the first time in months. “It’s a shame the car didn’t hit your face. Maybe you’d look better if it did.” 

Mo Guanshan looks like he’s about to climb out of the bed to beat his ass. “You son of a bitch-” 

Yeah, he’d missed this. 

“What are you gonna do little Mo? You can’t even stand up yet.” 

“I can still kick your ass.” 

“Oh yeah? Move your legs.” 

Mo Guanshan grunts with effort. Making an attempt to lift his left leg into the air. It doesn’t move. “I swear to go-” 

The sound of the door opening stops the pair of them in their tracks.

Mo Guanshan suppresses a groan. It was that joyless doctor again.

He glances at He Tian before his stare moves back to Mo Guanshan. He offers no greeting to either of them and instead goes straight to writing something on his chart. “While you were comatose we did several rounds of physiotherapy to maintain some of your muscle mass. However, the road to recovery will still be quite a long one.” 

Mo Guanshan scowls. “So I’ll be stuck here for what? A couple weeks?” 

“More like a couple of months, Mr Mo.” 

“Fuck.” 

He could think of nothing worse than being trapped here for that long. He was getting bored already and he’d only been awake for a few hours. 

The doctor adjusts his glasses. Mo Guanshan could swear he saw just the briefest flash of pity cross the man’s face. 

“In a few weeks or so, however, we will reassess your situation. You may be permitted to return to your residence given that it meets the standards provided and you have a full-time carer to take you to and from appointments here.” 

“So I can go back home quicker if I have someone to babysit me?” 

The doctor frowned at the wording. “As long as the requirements are met. Yes. Eventually.” 

“I can do it.” He Tian says, far too quickly for it to seem subtle. 

“Huh? You’ve got work and-” 

_ Pfft. Please. _

“I’ll take time off. However long it takes.” 

Mo Guanshan must truly loathe the idea of staying here because after He Tian finishes speaking, he crosses his arms and says nothing more on the subject. 

The doctor nods. “I’ll have your husband fill out some preemptive paperwork then, Mr Mo.” 

Mo Guanshan sputters, “he’s not my husban-”

He Tian just grins, “gladly.” 

Things were turning out just fine for He Tian on this day. He doesn’t know what other poor son of a bitch got his well-deserved fate but he sure as all fuck wasn’t trading. No take-backs.


	5. sunflowers

Mo Guanshan wasn’t used to being idle.

It felt like he’d been working for all of his life. Working so he didn’t burden his mother. Working so he wouldn’t be like his father. Working so he wouldn’t have to take that bastard He Tian’s pity money. Working so he could prove to He Tian that he didn’t need his help. Working so He Tian and him could be on equal ground. 

Working so the two of them could live in an apartment that they’d bought  _ together _ …

The point was he’d always worked.

And now, for the foreseeable future… He couldn’t. 

Mo Guanshan had defied the odds by graduating high school. He’d raised even more eyebrows by apprenticing as a junior chef. 

He knew that He Tian had had a hand in being offered the opportunity.

_ It was just another aspect on his list of things that he still owed the guy.  _

After a few years, though, he’d flourished under the heat of the fire. He’d always taken care of himself so cooking came naturally to him. There was a lot of emotion in it. Feeling. 

...And Mo Guanshan had always had a shit tonne of that. 

Idly, he wondered how the restaurant he worked at was going. Who was barking orders at everyone without him there? 

Would he still have a job if he went back after all this time? Even if this incident wasn’t his fault- would they let him return? 

...Or would he be left without a pot to piss in? 

Mo Guanshan’s head began pounding at the questions running about in there. 

Ugh. Too much thinking.

That was another reason why he liked to work. The methodical, mind-numbing glory of doing a task allowed him to keep his mind clear.

“Maybe you should take up knitting?” Jian Yi suggested, seemingly reading his mind. 

Mo Guanshan just looks at him with furrowed brows. 

As much as he (secretly) appreciated the company, he couldn’t help but feel like a bit of a burden.

It had been about two weeks since he’d woken up. 

Mo Guanshan was still quite honestly trying to get used to the whole ‘not remembering the past few months of his life’ thing. Even now, he was unable to recall the events leading up to the accident that caused all of this... 

He Tian came by when he could- but he seemed busy with something. 

Something that most likely had to do with him. 

It meant Mo Guanshan couldn’t be frustrated with his absence. Not outwardly anyway. He Tian was getting everything ready  _ for him.  _ He was doing this  _ for him.  _

It was so embarrassing to think about that Mo Guanshan tried his best not to. 

“Hey, why do you look like you want to stab me?” Jian Yi places his hands up in surrender. “It was just a suggestion.”

Zhan Zhengxi looks up from his comic. “If he had knitting needles he could.” He says nonchalantly. “Perhaps crochet is a little less life-threatening to you, Jian Yi.”

Mo Guanshan shrivels his nose. “They’re both dogshit suggestions.” 

Zhan Zhengxi shrugs, having known Mo Guanshan long enough to not take the comment personally. “You still have at least a week or so more in here. You should find something to do other than look at us with that ugly face.” 

Mo Guanshan, in retort, makes an even uglier expression. 

Zhan Zhengxi was unfortunately right.

Rehabilitation had been going well, but it was still agonisingly tedious. 

It was weird. Learning how to walk again. Mo Guanshan couldn’t really help the needles of embarrassment sticking into him every time he rested his weight against the support bars. 

To be fair, he wasn’t entirely sure if they were needles of embarrassment or just the feeling returning to his god damn legs. 

Either way, it didn’t really feel good.

The stony-faced doctor seemed to be pleased with his progress, however- which  _ was  _ a good sign. It meant there was a better chance of him returning home earlier. Which he desperately longed for. 

He missed He Tian and their apartment. It was home. It had been for a while now. 

He was no longer mooching off He Tian. They’d bought it fair and square. It was a source of pride for Mo Guanshan. That apartment. It was proof that he was on equal footing with He Tian. That the two of them were two halves making a whole as opposed to the instability of their schooling years…

He missed the stupid little potted plants and sunflowers he kept on the balcony. He missed the one creaky floorboard on the way to the bathroom. He missed the kitchen with all his cool knives. He missed their bed…

Ugh. This was so stupid.

“You know you guys don’t need to come here all the time. I don’t want your pity.” Mo Guanshan frowns, looking at the pair of them now. Even his mother didn’t visit him as much as Jian Yi and Zhan Zhengxi did. It was kind of insane.

_ Didn’t these bitches have jobs?  _

Jian Yi ruffles his hair like Mo Guanshan is a child and he is a senior telling him tales of old. 

As if they weren’t the same age.

“You tsundere bastard, when are you going to learn to take kindness for what it is?!” It’s a simple enough question. One that’s been asked of him a number of times.

He always gives them the same answer.

“People always expect something for their kindness.” 

As time wore on. There were exceptions to this rule, of course. But never enough for Mo Guanshan to stray too far from it.

Jian Yi just rolls his eyes. Like he knows exactly what Mo Guanshan was thinking  _ once again- _ without even saying anything. “Yeah, yeah. I know.” He sits back down on the chair beside Zhan Zhengxi. 

A calm silence passes between the three of them. Far more tranquil than before. 

It’s nice, even.

Mo Guanshan finds that in times like these he appreciates Jian Yi and Zhan Zhengxi’s presence far more. 

This silence amongst friends… It was like a warm solitude. It was like being alone together. 

Mo Guanshan far preferred it to hastily made small-talk. He wasn’t a big conversationalist. 

...Of course, nothing good ever lasts forever though.

Especially not when Jian Yi is here.

Mo Guanshan can practically see the lightbulb light up on the top of that idiot’s head. 

“Want me to go get ya some porn?” 

Mo Guanshan was counting down the seconds until he could head home.


End file.
